Many Times, in a speaking engagement, I contain a powerful and important word that has people flinch -- "Love." They try to manage their flinching by adjusting their seats to ensure that their neighbor or I will not see. But yet subtle the motion, there it is. I am uncertain what all that flinching is about, but it makes me smile and piques my curiosity.
I've ever been interested in that which we're afraid of when it comes to love -- be it love of self or other. In the event you loved this post and you wish to receive more info about fluss generously visit www.givology.org/~laydenra/. Definitely it is what we all desire, right? Now I am talking real brotherly/sisterly love --universal love --not that behaving as if you care, "has a fine day" kind of sentimental formality. Why does the action of sharing love beyond the parameters of family and friends make us shift in our seats? Is it that people don't believe in it? Have no idea how exactly to achieve it?
Bringing an increased love to coaching and some other connection for me means letting everything go. All those marvelous mechanisms we set up to make us feel safe must go. "Letting go" means removing the armour and putting down the shield -- in whatever form it takes --that we use to protect ourselves should love be utilized against us or withdrawn from us at some future day. Letting go means putting aside those mental constructions, like judgment and comparison, which act as filters when we determine just how to present ourselves for the world. It means not checking to see if we're safe enough to get ourselves or don one of our many personas. The issue with letting go is that we don't have anything to hang onto when we do so. It can feel like heading into free-fall without a parachute.
Our parachutes are the relationships we spend money on, which include the connection with ourselves. True investment, in the other hand, means we compare the chips of love against all else, and we bet it all on love. Sure, it really is dangerous, but playing it safe doesn't actually make us feel safe anyhow. What exactly are we really risking? Because the emphasis is on who we are being in each second - - no circumstances, no pretenses, no strings attached when we orient ourselves from Love, what we are risking doesn't feel so scary. When we orient ourselves from fear, then each instant is a considered, high risk enterprise because so much about what we are betting on with fear has to do with this perception of "the other." And so we hedge our wagers; we load and lock our filters.
Within the space of unconditional love, a trainer's hearing is fine-tuned to hear beyond what of the customer to hearing the energy of those - a much richer space to be in. We are not listening for the love we need or the attack we expect. Our listening goes from the ego's power hungry heart for the heart's welcoming center. In love, there are no boundaries regarding that which we would risk saying, asking or telling within the interest of our customers' well being. In the area of Love, I'll risk sounding unprofessional, as a machine or even vulnerable. You name it; I had risk it. Inside my experience, mistakes made from love experienced much more success then any hard-wired, grazia logical sequence of queries my thoughts could generate. Love is illogical to the thoughts and thus follows a much more unstable, intuitive, divine pattern. It gets to places your head has not even imagined let alone conceptualized. Occasionally I am even afraid about what Love asks me to say to my client. I regularly refer to this sort of interaction as "Training with Pampers."
While coaching him, I found myself multitasking: making grocery lists, counting lint and attempting to read my email when Love pulled on my earlobe and whispered, "Tell him the facts." My face froze at the nudging and my heartbeat increased. It was too rude, rough and he had dislike me for sure. And Love replied cheekily, "Good thing this isn't about you then." So I took a deep breath, envisioned pampers where my knickers needs to be and said, "You know I love you, and I've surely got to inform you that you are a man without a backbone; and a man with no spine will never move forward." Can I coach him now?" Then I shut up, as well as the line went quiet. After a month of being really upset with me he called and said, "I have been really mad at you and really glad. You were the sole one to tell me what I have known about myself for years. I am prepared to grow a spine and live my dreams. Are you going to help me?" I am not sure how long we cried together. The minute transcended time. I suppose that's the power of Love.
When I permit Love to lead the way in my training, I am w - a - y over there with my client - - my wonderful thoughts, my goal and my inhibitions long forgotten. For the love of my client's dreams, visions, goals and success I'd risk it-all -- even being erroneous or offensive. When the training is tempered with Love customers can hear everything a coach has to say because they are able to believe that you are in it for them. In fact, you may be the first person they feel is actually in it for them with no hidden agendas!
As our clients come to comprehend that their coaches aren't yet another expert with strategies and methods but, rather, are allies in their own lives, they come to trust that, regardless of what they reveal to us, we'll hold that room for them and still love them. By training our clients that judgment cannot reside in the space of loving connection, we free them -- and ourselves -- in the fear of rejection. Love actually helps change us from a perspective of limitation and suffocation to embracing liberation. When clients switch their standpoint, their worlds transform. After the passageway is cleared and life flows easily. When they're released from withholding most of whom they are and from anxiety about rejection and shame, customers become more available to themselves.
Have you ever seen a child who is not loved? There is a heavy pain where love never goes much less lives. dè¥© If this kid will not receive love, he/she is never quite correct. Whenever we are in pain and there is no want to comfort us, we're enduring and alone. What an intolerable existence! We were meant to prosper not exist. Sure, some discomfort is part of living, but so is comfort and loving kindness, which comes in the form of the exchange of love.
Another customer I coached for a few months exposed to me a case of for a youngster molestation. It was something she had never shared with anyone, not a therapist she had noticed many years back. I needed to inquire, "What made you share this info with me?" She responded, "Because, with you, I understood that, regardless of what I had done, you'll see me as wonderful and worth loving." Love coached this woman, and I was ecstatic to be the conduit. That afternoon, her response sold me to the ability of Love and altered my training and my interactions with people permanently. "Wow!"
Many people have told me that they became coaches to help make a difference in people's lives. In making that change or having a positive impact for the sake of our customers, we have to distinguish ourselves from the amateur who's inexperienced or unskilled in love. Whether I am coaching a top level executive or even a prison inmate, I find the capability to love my clients enhances my ability to coach them. I discover that people are just two human beings sharing a very real human encounter - - connectedness, while I forget about the rules of society that dictateradiosprecher formality and distance in the name of professionalism. The Random House dictionary describes professionalism as "the standing practice or strategy of the professional, as distinguished from an amateur." Well, there you have it. But why bother? Sure it seems possible, but you could ask yourself can I an executive coach, a sales coach, teen coach, business coach really cross that border of professionalism? More to the point, am I willing to redefine professionalism to adapt the real urgencies of my client in a given second? Are you?
Finally, Love is the sole thing that issues and, since this really is so, Love is the sole thing which makes change possible and permanent. Stop to think of what you have changed in yourself. I'm convinced Love was the main equation. Will-power merely isn't enough to support clients in the very long haul. Love is the fuel when the will-power to be goal oriented burns us out.
One of the reasons I'm in the coaching profession is the proven fact that we have permission to love our customers greatly. Being with my customer up personal and close there is a honoring of their humanity that allows them to relax to the relationship showing things that have been walled away for many a lifetimes.
To love our clients intensely, to show our willingness to love unconditionally sets us in a vulnerable area. As individuals, we're constantly educating each other how-to walk in the world. As trainers, we have an opportunity and also a duty to model deeper universal truths that establish the immensity of larger possibilities. The modeling of vulnerability calls us forth to stand in the light - - client and coach. Counterintuitive as it might look, vulnerability is not about individuals taking advantage of us or standing by patiently while they assault us. Just the opposite, susceptibility entails opening our hearts to the love which is coming, and expanding our capacity to love others. Vulnerability is an act of loving trust.
We'll never find a better teacher than Love. I am taught by love without disgrace. It has me remain in relationships when I had rather run-away. Love tugs at my ear, reminding me again to quit putting boxes around them, while I find my clients tiresome, unwilling to go, grow or change. Love wipes the daze of judgment from eyes, enabling me to understand how my dearth of vision for my customers stunts their growing -- and mine. Instead of making them "wrong" with my limited vision, Love shows me how to observe their pain, struggles and attempts with compassion and grace. While I stifle my client, I stifle myself, and Love flees. In these precious few minutes we have with our clients, we have the power to create a romantic cocoon and to bringing a higher love in the space. This activity makes a lifesustaining force that grounds both client, trainer, and serves as a beacon when either party looses them self to the madness of the ego's convincing, self indulgent chatter.
Loving could be the easy custom of softening one's heart to feel another's. We start by stopping any objectifying of our customers that we may do. We start holding them while the main subject of interest. Even the easy task of moving from considering them for a group of clients to personal relationships allows us to cocreate something very different. By this easy practice, we become vulnerable to that most-needed commodity -- compassion, this "feeling with" that engenders empathy and lovingkindness. The energy area of unconditional love releases us, as well as our clients, in the superficial and polished skills of exploitation, hiding, lying and being scared of not being accepted for who we are.
One thing I know for sure and my coaching experiences support this: every person I have trained has shared with me, in a single form or another, his or her desire for the freedom to love and be loved. To be really loved -- warts and all. Every client -- be it doctor, lawyer, coach, financial coordinator, chef, parent, teen, inmate, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Native American, spiritual follower --wants the exact same thing: Love, pure and simple. And you will want to?
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