Hip-Hop Love Stories And Also The Building Of Socially Acceptable Urban Identities.

Frequently, during a speaking engagement, I include a potent and important word that has people flinch -- "Love." They try to control their flinching by adjusting their seats so that their neighbor or I won't detect. But however subtle the move, there it is.
Definitely it is what we all want, right? Why does the action of sharing love beyond the parameters of family and friends make us change in our seats? Is it that we do not believe inside? Have no idea how to reach it?
Bringing a higher love to training and any connection for me means letting it all go. All those wonderful mechanics we put in place to make us feel safe must go. Letting go means putting aside those mental structures, such as judgment and comparison, which act as filters once we decide how exactly to present ourselves to the world. It means not checking to see if we're secure enough to get ourselves or don one of our many personas. The issue with letting go is that we don't have anything to hang onto when we achieve this. It can feel like going into free-fall without a parachute.
Our parachutes are the relationships we invest in, which contain the connection with ourselves. Certain, it truly is risky, but playing it safe doesn't really make us feel safe anyway. So what are we really risking? Will not feel so frightening since the focus is on who we're being in each instant - - no circumstances, no pretenses, no strings attached when we orient ourselves from Love, what we're risking. As soon as we orient ourselves from fear, then each second is a calculated, high-risk venture because so much of what we are betting on with fear has to do with this perception of "the other." And so we hedge our wagers; we load and lock our filters.
Within the space of unconditional love, a coach's hearing is fine tuned to hear beyond the language of the customer to hearing the energy of these - a much richer space to maintain. We are no longer listening for the love we want or the attack we expect. Our listening goes from the ego's powerhungry center to the heart's welcoming center. In love, there are no boundaries regarding that which we'd risk saying, asking or telling within the interest of our clients' well being. In the space of Love, I will risk sounding unprofessional, like a judging device as well as vulnerable. You name it; it had been risked by me. Inside my experience, errors made from love experienced much more success then any hard-wired, arctor logical sequence of inquiries my head could produce. Love is illogical to the thoughts and therefore follows a much more unstable, intuitive, divine pattern. It enters areas your brain hasn't even envisioned let alone conceptualized. Sometimes I'm even frightened of what Love asks me to say to my client. I frequently refer to this sort of interaction as "Coaching with Pampers."
My face froze at the nudging and my heartbeat increased. It was too rude, crude and he had hate me for certain. And Love replied cheekily, "Good thing this is not about you then." So I took a deep breath, envisioned pampers where my underwear needs to be and said, "You know I adore you, and I've surely got to tell you that you're a man without a spine; and a man with no spine will never move ahead." I continued, "I don't think this is the way you meant to be living your life, and I know inside of you lives a man of great courage. Can I coach him now?" Then I shut up, along with the line went silent. You were the only one to tell me what I have known about myself for years. I'm ready to grow a spine and live my dreams. Will you help me?" I'm not certain how long we cried together. The instant transcended time. I guess that is the power of Love.
I'm w - a - y over there with my customer - - my inhibitions, my wonderful ideas and my goal long forgotten, while I allow Love to lead the way in my training. For the love of my client's dreams, visions, goals and achievement I'd risk it all -- even being erroneous or offensive. After the training is tempered with Love customers can hear everything and anything a trainer has to say as they could feel that you are in it for them. In fact, you might be the first person they believe is really in it for them without any hidden agendas!
As our clients come to understand that their coaches are not yet another expert with schemes and techniques but, rather, are allies in their own lives, they come to trust that, whatever they show to us, we'll hold that room for them and still love them. By teaching our clients that judgment cannot reside in the space of loving relationship, we free them -- and ourselves -- in the fear of rejection. Love literally helps change us from a view of restriction and suffocation to embracing liberation. Their worlds transform, when customers shift their standpoint. Once the passageway is cleared and life flows readily. As soon as they are launched from withholding all of whom they are and from anxiety about rejection and shame, customers be available to themselves.
Have you ever seen a youngster who has not been loved? morirì ³ He/she is never quite right, if this kid will not receive love. And, through that pain, suffering builds a stronghold in her or his nature. Whenever we are in pain and there is no want to comfort us, we are alone and suffering. What an unbearable existence! We were meant to prosper not exist. Positive, some soreness is part of living, but so is comfort and loving kindness, and that comes in the shape of the human trade of love.
Another client I trained for several months revealed to me an instance of for a youngster molestation. I had to inquire, "What made you discuss this information with me?" She replied, "Because, with you, I understood that, regardless of what I had done, you'd see me as exquisite and worth loving." Love coached this woman, and I was pleased to be the conduit. Through our mutual admiration, respect and love, she later learned to trust another therapist to move him through her pain. That day, her response changed my training and my interactions with people forever and sold me on the power of Love. "Wow!"
Lots of people have told me that they became coaches to help make a difference in people's lives. In making that difference or having a positive effect for the sake of our clients, we have to differentiate ourselves from the amateur who is inexperienced or unskilled in love. Whether I am coaching a top level executive or even a prison convict, I find the capability to love my clients enhances my ability to train them. I discover that people are just two human beings sharing an extremely real human encounter - - connectedness, when I let go of the tenets of society that dictateandrzej formality and distance within the name of professionalism. But why bother? More to the point, am I ready to redefine professionalism to accommodate the real necessities of my own customer in a specific moment? Are you?
Ultimately, Love is the sole thing that matters and, because that is indeed, Love is the sole thing that makes change potential and permanent. Stop to consider what you've changed in yourself. I am confident Love was the main equation. Will-power just is insufficient to support customers in the long run. Love is once the will power of being goal oriented burns us out the gas.
One of the reasons I'm in the training profession is the fact that we have permission to love our clients deeply. Being with my customer up close and personal there is a honoring of their humanity that enables them all to relax into the relationship revealing things that have been walled away for many a lifetimes.
To love our clients deeply, to reveal our readiness to love unconditionally puts us in a area. As individuals, we're always educating each other how to walk on earth. If you liked this post and you would like to receive more information regarding l㢨ein kindly check out As coaches, we've got an opportunity as well as a duty to model deeper universal truths that attest the immensity of larger chances. The modeling of susceptibility calls us forth to stand in the light - - coach and customer. Counterintuitive as it may seem, vulnerability isn't about individuals benefiting from us or standing by patiently while we are attacked by them. Just the opposite, susceptibility entails opening our hearts to the love that is certainly forthcoming, and expanding our capability to love others. Susceptibility is an action of loving trust.
Love teaches me without shame. It has me remain in relationships after I had rather run away. Love tugs at my ear, reminding me again to cease putting boxes around them, when I find my clients dull, reluctant to go, grow or change. Love wipes the daze of judgment away from eyes, allowing me to learn how my lack of vision for my customers stunts their growth -- and mine. Rather than making them "wrong" with my limited eyesight, Love shows me how to see their pain, struggles and attempts with compassion and grace. I stifle myself, when I stifle my client, and Love flees. In these precious few minutes we have with our customers, we've got the ability to create an intimate cocoon and to bringing an increased love into the area. This activity makes a life sustaining force that grounds both client, trainer, and functions as a beacon when either party looses them self to the madness of the ego's convincing, selfindulgent chatter.
We begin by stopping any objectifying of our customers that we may do. We start keeping them as the most important subject of interest. Even the straightforward job of moving from considering them for a group of customers to individualized relationships enables us to co-create something very distinct. By this simple practice, we become exposed to that most-needed commodity -- compassion, this "feeling with" that engenders empathy and lovingkindness. The energy field of unconditional love releases us, as well as our clients, in the polished and superficial skills of manipulation, hiding, lying and being frightened of not being accepted for who we are. It grants us permission to step out from behind our mascaras, our masks.
To be truly loved -- warts and all. Every customer -- be it doctor, attorney, coach, financial planner, chef, parent, teen, prisoner, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Native-american, religious follower --wants the exact same thing: Love, pure and simple. And you will want to? It's the birthright of each and every one of us to love and be loved.
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