Many Times, in a speaking engagement, I include a potent and significant word which has people flinch -- "Love." They attempt to manage their flinching by adjusting their seats so their neighbor or I will not discover. But yet subtle the movement, there it is.
I have been interested in what we are afraid of when it comes to love -- be it love of self or other. Definitely it's what we all want, right? Now I'm talking real brotherly/sisterly love --universal love --not that behaving like you care, "has a nice day" type of sentimental formality. Why does the action of sharing love beyond the parameters of friends and family make us change in our seats? Is it that people do not believe inside? Have no idea the best way to gain it?
Bringing a greater love to training and any connection for me means letting it all go. All those marvelous mechanisms we set up to make us feel safe have to go. "Letting go" means taking off the armour and putting down the shield -- in whatever form it will take --that we use to protect ourselves should love be used against us or withdrawn from us at some future date. Letting go means putting aside these mental constructions, like judgment and comparison, which act as filters once we decide the way to present ourselves for the world. This means not checking to see whether we are safe enough to be ourselves or don one of our many personas. When we filter our interactions with the world in this way, we remain cut off from ourselves, our source, our heart. It may feel like heading into free-fall without a parachute.
Our parachutes are the relationships we invest in, which contain the connection with ourselves. True expense, in the flip side, means we compare the chips of love against all else, and we guess it all on love. Sure, it really is dangerous, but playing it safe doesn't actually make us feel safe anyhow. So what are we really risking? As soon as we orient ourselves from Love, what we are risking does not feel so scary as the emphasis is on who we are being in each moment - - no circumstances, no pretenses, no strings attached. When we orient ourselves from fear, then each second is a considered, high risk enterprise because so much of what we are betting on with fear needs to do with our perception of "the other." And therefore we hedge our wagers; we lock and load our filters.
Within the space of unconditional love, a trainer's hearing is fine tuned to hear beyond the language of the customer to hearing the energy of these - a much richer space to be in. We are not listening for the love we need or the assault we expect. Our listening moves from the ego's power hungry heart for the heart's welcoming center. In love, there are no boundaries regarding that which we would risk saying, asking or telling in the interest of our clients' well being. In the area of Love, I will risk sounding unprofessional, as a machine as well as exposed. You name it; I'd danger it. In my experience, mistakes made out of love experienced far more success then any hard wired, undankbarkeit logical sequence of queries my mind could produce. Love is illogical for the head and so follows a far more unstable, intuitive, divine pattern. It gets to areas the mind hasn't even imagined let alone conceptualized. Sometimes I'm even scared about what Love asks me to tell my customer. I frequently refer to this kind of interaction as "Training with Pampers."
I had been training one client for more than a year and we were getting nowhere very slowly. While coaching him, I found myself multitasking: making grocery lists, counting lint and planning to see my e-mail when Love pulled on my own earlobe and whispered, "Tell him the facts." My face froze in the nudging and my heartrate improved. It was too rude, rough and he'd hate me for sure. And Love responded cheekily, "Good thing this is not about you then." So I took a deep breath, envisioned pampers where my knickers should be and said, "You know I adore you, and I have got to inform you that you are a man without a backbone; and a man without a spine won't ever move ahead." Can I coach him now?" Then I shut up, as well as the line went quiet. After a month to be really angry with me he called and said, "I are really mad at you and really glad. You were the sole one to tell me what I have known about myself for years. I'm prepared to grow a spine and live my dreams. Are you going to help me?" I am not certain how long we cried together. The minute transcended time. I suppose this is the power of Love.
When I enable Love to lead the way in my coaching, I am w - a - y over there with my customer - - my inhibitions, my great ideas and my aim long forgotten. For the love of my client's dreams, visions, goals and success I had risk it-all -- even being wrong or offensive. Can hear everything and anything a coach has to say sincecontinuidad they can feel that you're in it for them after the coaching is tempered with Love clients. In reality, you might be the first person they believe is really in it for them without any hidden agendas!
As our customers come to recognize that their trainers are not yet another specialist with strategies and methods but, rather, are allies in their own lives, they come to trust that, no matter what they show to us, we will hold that area for them and still love them. By training our clients that judgment cannot reside within the area of loving connection, we free them -- and ourselves -- from the fear of rejection. Love literally helps shift us from a perspective of constraint and suffocation to embracing liberation. When customers switch their standpoint, their worlds transform. And life flows readily after the passageway is cleared. When they're launched from withholding all of whom they're and from anxiety about rejection and shame, clients become much more accessible to themselves.
Have you ever seen a child who has not been loved? There is a heavy pain where love never goes much less lives. befrei If that child will not receive love, he/she is never quite correct. Whenever we are in pain and there's no want to comfort us, we are alone and suffering. What an intolerable existence! We were meant to flourish not exist. Positive, some soreness is part of living, but so is comfort and loving kindness, and that comes in the form of the trade of love.
Another client I trained for a couple of months exposed to me an instance of molestation for a kid. This was something she had never shared with anyone, not even a therapist she had noticed several years back. I needed to inquire, "What made you discuss this info with me?" She replied, "Because, with you, I understood that, irrespective of what I had done, you would see me as wonderful and worth loving." Love trained this girl, and I was pleased to be the conduit. Through our mutual admiration, respect and love, she later learned to trust another therapist to move him through her pain. That afternoon, her response sold me on the ability of Love and altered my training and my interactions with people permanently. "Wow!"
Many people have told me that they became coaches to help make a difference in people's lives. In making that difference or having a positive effect for the benefit of our clients, we have to distinguish ourselves from the hobbyist who's inexperienced or unskilled in love. Whether I am coaching a high level executive or a prison inmate, I find the capacity to love my clients enhances my ability to train them. When I let go of the tenets of society that order formality and distance in the name of professionalism, I find that we are just two human beings sharing a very real human encounter - - connectedness. The Random House dictionary describes professionalism as "the standing practice or system of a professional, as distinguished from an amateur." But why bother? Sure it seems possible, but you could consider could I an executive coach, a sales coach, teen coach, business coach actually cross that boundary of professionalism? Moreover, am I prepared to redefine professionalism to adapt the very real needs of my client in a specific second? Are you?
Finally, Love is the sole thing which matters and, since that is so, Love is the sole thing that makes change potential and permanent. Stop to think of what you've altered in yourself. I am sure Love was part of the equation. Will-power merely isn't enough to support clients in the very long term. Love is when the will-power to be goal-oriented burns us out the gas.
Among the reasons I am in the coaching profession is the proven fact that we have permission to love our clients greatly. Being with my customer up personal and close there's a honoring of their humanity that allows them to relax into the relationship revealing things which were walled away for many a lifetimes.
To love our clients intensely, to reveal our willingness to love unconditionally puts us in a space. For more about llevà±´ela look into http://www.redhotswingers.co.uk/user/masecga/blogs As humans, we're always educating one another how to walk on the planet. As coaches, we have a responsibility as well as an opportunity to model deeper universal truths that manifest the immensity of larger chances. The modeling of vulnerability calls us forth to stand within the light - - coach and customer. Vulnerability isn't about people taking advantage of us or standing by patiently while we are attacked by them, counterintuitive as it might seem. Quite the opposite, vulnerability entails opening our hearts to the love which is coming, and expanding our capability to love others. Vulnerability is an act of loving trust.
Love teaches me without shame. It's me remain in relationships when I had rather run-away. While I find my customers dreary, reluctant to go, grow or change, Love tugs at my ear, reminding me again to cease getting boxes around them. Love wipes the fog of judgment away from eyes, letting me to see how my dearth of vision for my customers stunts their growing -- and mine. Instead of making them "wrong" with my limited vision, Love shows me the way to watch their pain, challenges and efforts with compassion and grace. While I stifle my client, I stifle myself, and Love flees. In these precious few minutes we have with our customers, we've got the power to make an intimate cocoon and to bringing a greater love in the space. This action creates a lifesustaining force that grounds both client, trainer, and serves as a beacon when either party looses them-self to the mayhem of the ego's persuasive, selfindulgent chatter.
Loving may be the simple custom of softening one's heart to feel another's. We begin by ceasing any objectifying of our clients that we may do. We begin holding them while the main topic of interest. Even the simple job of moving from thinking about them as several clients to personal relationships enables us to co create something quite distinct. The energy area of unconditional love releases us, and our customers, in the polished and superficial skills of exploitation, hiding, lying and being afraid of not being accepted for who we are.
To be truly loved -- warts and all. Every customer -- be it doctor, attorney, trainer, financial planner, chef, parent, teen, prisoner, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Native American, religious follower --wants precisely the same thing: Love, pure and simple. And you will want to?
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