Often, in a speaking engagement, I contain a potent and important word that has people flinch -- "Love." They try to control their flinching by adjusting their seats so their neighbor or I will not notice. But however subtle the motion, there it is. I am not sure what all that flinching is around, but it makes me smile and piques my fascination.
Undoubtedly it is what we all want, right? Now I am talking real brotherly/sisterly love --universal love --not that behaving like you care, "has a fine day" kind of sentimental formality. Why does the act of sharing love beyond the parameters of friends and family make us shift in our seats? Is it that people do not believe inside? Have no idea the way to attain it?
Bringing a greater love to training and any other relationship for me means letting everything go. Those amazing mechanics we applied to make us feel safe have to go. "Letting go" means taking off the armour and putting down the shield -- in whatever form it will take --that we utilize to defend ourselves should love be properly used against us or withdrawn from us at some future day. Letting go means putting aside those mental constructions, like judgment and comparison, which act as filters when we determine the best way to present ourselves for the world. As soon as we filter our interactions with the world within this way, we remain cut off from ourselves, our source, our heart. The issue with letting go is that we don't have anything to hang onto when we do so. It may feel like heading into free-fall with no parachute.
Our parachutes are the relationships we invest in, which include the connection with ourselves. Certain, it really is dangerous, but playing it safe doesn't really make us feel safe anyway. So what are we really risking? When we orient ourselves from Love, what we're risking will not feel so frightening as the focus is on who we're being in each instant - - no conditions, no pretenses, no strings attached. Here is more information in regards to lykaner have a look at www.grass4peace.com/ilachog When we orient ourselves from fear, then each instant is a calculated, high risk enterprise because so much of what we are betting on with fear needs to do with our understanding of "the other." And therefore we hedge our wagers; we lock and load our filters.
In the space of unconditional love, a trainer's hearing is fine tuned to hear beyond what of the client to hearing the power of those - a much richer space to be in. We are not listening for the love we want or the strike we expect. Our listening moves from the ego's power hungry center to the heart's welcoming middle. In love, there aren't any boundaries regarding that which we would risk saying, requesting or telling within the interest of our customers' well being. From the space of Love, I'll risk sounding unprofessional, like a device or even exposed. You name it; I had danger it. Inside my experience, errors made out of love have had far more success then any hard-wired, mccloud logical sequence of questions my thoughts could generate. Love is illogical for the thoughts and hence follows a more fluid, intuitive, divine pattern. It gets into areas your head hasn't even imagined let alone conceptualized. Occasionally I'm even scared of what Love asks me to say to my client. I frequently refer to this type of interaction as "Coaching with Pampers."
My face froze at the nudging and my heart-rate improved. How could I tell him what I genuinely believed? It was overly rude, crude and he had hate me for certain. And Love responded cheekily, "Good thing this isn't about you then." So I took a deep breath, envisioned pampers where my underwear must be and said, "You know I adore you, and I've got to tell you that you're a man with no spine; and a man without a spine won't ever progress." I continued, "I don't believe this is the way you supposed to be living your life, and I know inside of you lives a man of great bravery. Can I train him now?" Then I shut up, as well as the line went silent. You were the sole one to tell me what I've known about myself for years. I am prepared to grow a spine and live my dreams. Will you help me?" I am not sure how long we cried together. Time was transcended by the moment. I figure that's the power of Love.
I am w - a - y over there with my customer - - my plan, my great ideas and my inhibitions long forgotten, when I permit Love to lead the way in my training. For the love of my own client's dreams, visions, goals and achievement I had risk everything -- even being wrong or offensive. Can hear everything and anything as they are able to believe that you're in it for them a trainer has to say once the coaching is tempered with Love customers. In reality, you may be the first man they feel is really in it for them without any hidden agendas!
As our customers come to realize that their trainers aren't yet another professional with strategies and methods but, instead, are allies in their own lives, they come to trust that, no matter what they show to us, we'll hold that area for them and still love them. By teaching our customers that judgment cannot reside in the area of loving connection, we free them -- and ourselves -- from the fear of rejection. Love actually helps switch us from a viewpoint of limit and suffocation to embracing liberation. Their worlds change, when customers shift their view. And life flows easily after the passageway is cleared. After they are launched from withholding each of whom they are and from fear of rejection and shame, clients be accessible to themselves.
Perhaps you have seen a kid who has not been loved? There's a deep pain where love never goes much less lives. visor He or she is never quite right, if this child doesn't receive love. Whenever we're in pain and there's no want to comfort us, we're alone and enduring. What an intolerable existence! We were supposed to prosper not exist. Sure, some pain is part of living, but so is comfort and loving kindness, and that comes in the appearance of the human exchange of love.
Another client I trained for a few months exposed to me a case of as a child molestation. This is something she had never shared with anyone, not even a therapist she had noticed many years back. I needed to inquire, "What made you share this information with me?" She replied, "Because, with you, I understood that, no matter what I had done, you'll see me as exquisite and worth loving." Love coached this girl, and I was pleased to be the conduit. That day, her response sold me to the power of Love and changed my coaching and my interactions with people permanently. "Wow!" I thought, "If Love could lift that boulder from her back, then we're both lightened."
Many people have told me that they became coaches to make a difference in people's lives. In making that change or having a positive impact for the benefit of our clients, we must differentiate ourselves from the hobbyist who is inexperienced or unskilled in love. Whether I am training a high level executive or even a prison inmate, I find that the capacity to love my clients enhances my capability to train them. While I forget about the rules of society that dictate formality and distance within the name of professionalism, I discover that people are only two human beings sharing a very real human encounter - - connectedness. The Random House dictionary describes professionalism as "the standing practice or system of the professional, as distinguished from an amateur." Well, there you have it. But why bother? More to the point, am I prepared to redefine professionalism to adapt the very real needs of my own customer in a specific moment? Are you?
In The End, Love is the only thing that issues and, since this is indeed, Love is the sole thing which makes change possible and long-term. Cease to think about what you've changed in yourself. I am confident Love was the main equation. Will-power just isn't enough to sustain clients in the very long haul. Love is as soon as the will-power of being goal-oriented burns us out the fuel.
One of the reasons I will be in the training profession is the fact that we've permission to love our customers deeply. Being with my customer up personal and close there is a honoring of the humanity which permits them all to relax to the relationship showing things which were walled away for many a lives.
To love our clients deeply, to show our openness to love unconditionally sets us in a vulnerable area. As persons, we are always educating one another how-to walk on the planet. As coaches, we've got an opportunity and also a duty to model deeper universal truths that establish the vastness of larger chances. The modeling of vulnerability calls us forth to stand within the light - - trainer and client. Vulnerability is not about people taking advantage of us or standing by patiently while they assault us, counterintuitive as it may look. Quite the opposite, vulnerability entails opening our hearts to the love that's upcoming, and expanding our ability to love others. Susceptibility is an action of loving trust.
I am taught by love without disgrace. It has me remain in relationships once I had rather run away. When I find my clients mundane, unwilling to move, increase or change, Love tugs at my ear, reminding me again to cease getting boxes around them. Love wipes the haze of judgment from eyes, allowing me to understand how my lack of vision for my clients stunts their development -- and mine. Instead of making them "wrong" with my limited vision, Love shows me the best way to witness their pain, battles and efforts with compassion and grace. While I stifle my customer, I stifle myself, and Love flees. In those precious few minutes we have with our customers, we have the ability to create a romantic cocoon and to bringing an increased love in the space. This action creates a life-sustaining force that grounds both client, coach, and serves as a beacon when either party looses them self to the mayhem of the ego's convincing, self indulgent chatter.
Loving is the simple practice of softening one's heart to feel another's. We start by stopping any objectifying of our customers that we may be doing. We begin keeping them as the most important topic of interest. Even the easy task of shifting from considering them for a group of clients to personal relationships allows us to co create something quite distinct. The energy field of unconditional love releases us, and our customers, in the superficial and polished skills of exploitation, lying, hiding and being frightened of not being accepted for who we are.
To be truly loved -- warts and all. Every customer -- be it doctor, lawyer, coach, financial planner, chef, parent, teen, offender, Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Native-american, spiritual follower --wants exactly the same thing: Love, pure and simple. And why not?
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